My parents tell me that when I was a little boy in Canada, I started laughing and dancing whenever I heard music. I have no memory of that, and I regret that my response to music didn’t continue. Like everyone else, I was raised to accept that pleasure is suspect. I remember as a child in Catholic grade school learning that if I took pleasure in some sinful activity, the sin was even worse. Fortunately, thanks to my Italian family, I also grew up with many experiences of the la dolce vita, the sweet life. La dolce vita is a way of living centered on loving relationships with family and friends, the enjoyment of often simple sensual pleasures, and living life fully. My experiences of la dolce vita over the years in Italy and in California deeply impressed me and fed my imagination of how pleasurable and fun life can be and how simple it is to make it so.
Because of these two conflicting perspectives from my background, I often wondered about pleasure and its place in my life. In January 2020, I started a survey of people I know, asking them what they learned about pleasure growing up and what they thought about it now. Surprisingly, everyone said they had learned little about pleasure and what they learned was what I had learned as a schoolboy: pleasurable activities are suspect and probably sinful or unhealthy. Even as adults, most still believed some version of this, and almost everyone quickly changed the subject and talked about the pain of life. I thought this attitude about pleasure was puzzling, and it inspired me to begin a serious study of pleasure and a conscious practice of the Art of Savoring: intensifying and prolonging all the events, feelings, emotions, and sensations of my life, especially pleasurable ones.
Because I am an intellectual, I included in my study dozens of books, articles, and research papers. I’m glad I did because this gave me an understanding of what happens neurologically throughout my body when I experience pleasure or savor my feelings and sensations. An article in a 2012 issue of Scientific American, “The Joyful Mind” by Morten L. Kringelbach and Kent C. Berridge, and another in a 2015 issue of The Economist, “The Science of Craving” by Amy Fleming, were especially instructive. I learned about the pleasure centers in the brain and about the neurochemicals that flood my whole body when I anticipate or experience pleasure. It’s these chemicals, like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine that give me the feelings of pleasure and euphoria, and I learned I can consciously manipulate them by creating experiences for myself and others. I learned about building neurological pathways throughout my body and how savoring strengthens that process. The research also found that people who habitually savor and those who enjoy a variety of pleasures are the happiest people.
To broaden my horizons, I also read about the philosophy of pleasure from which I adopted the path of Ethical Hedonism, pleasure without harm to self or others. And I read about how different people integrate pleasure into their lives. A book about the experiences of Black women, Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown was insightful. The chapter titled “Pleasure After Sixty: A Conversation with Idelisse Malave and Alta Starr” was full of wisdom about how all types of pleasure, including the erotic, can deepen with age.
Even during my intellectual study of pleasure, my primary focus has been on the practice of savoring sensations. I think of savoring as a type of mindfulness, a meditation, not one that transcends but one that deepens my connection to the present moment, myself, people, and the world around me. For example, one exercise I do often is eating with attention, especially when I am enjoying a favorite food like chocolate or peaches. I don’t read or listen to music while I’m eating, and I make an intention to experience the food fully. Then I focus on the flavors and textures in my mouth and the aromas in my nose as I slowly eat and enjoy the experience for as long as possible.
Sex is another way I experiment with savoring. Often, I begin savoring before my lover even arrives. I anticipate our encounter by imagining how it will be to have him in my arms again, cultivating an excitement about our time together. I revel in my feelings of desire and affection for him. Researchers call this “anticipatory savoring.” What is happening physiologically is that I am using my imagination to stimulate the production of neurochemicals to increase my desire for my lover. I am consciously manipulating my own biochemistry as if I were a pleasure chemist. Then when we are together, all my senses are engaged. Attentive to the here and now, I savor the sight of my lover’s body, his smell and taste, his touch, the sound of his voice–all the physical sensations of being with him and making love with him. Later, after we part, I remember our time together. This is called “reminiscence savoring” and it solidifies the neurological pathways.
Scanning my Body Erotic
As I explored pleasure and savoring from many perspectives, my research led me to the explicit sex education films on EroticMassage.com and OrgasmicYoga.com. The videos on these websites promote pleasure and savoring as a practice. This description of a video caught my attention: “Jack explores sexual arousal in more than 25 different places within his body. And he names aloud how sexual arousal feels in each body part.” I like naming the feelings because it is another way of savoring.
The video, titled Jack’s Erotic Body Scan, starts with Jack using masturbation to maintain a level of sexual arousal, then scanning or placing attention on different areas or parts of his body. This erotic body scan allowed him to feel sexual arousal throughout his whole body, even in those areas we don’t usually think of as sexual. As I heard him describe what his sexual arousal felt like in different parts of his body, like his perineum, butt, legs, throat, chest, even internal organs, I recognized this as another way of savoring sexual pleasure. If there is anything like a full-body orgasm, erotic body-scanning seems one pathway to making it happen.
By bringing his attention to and naming the feelings of pleasure in various parts of his body, Jack is strengthening the neurological pathways of pleasure. I imagined that doing this exercise myself could expand my ability to experience physical pleasure and extend an erotic neural network throughout my body. I have been envious of people whose nipples or feet were “hard wired” to their genitals, so this could be a way of making that happen, but not just nipples and feet. The erotic body scan has the potential of eroticizing all areas of the body.
I can feel the potential and desirability of this practice. But to make an erotic body scan work for me, I knew I had to break Jack’s exercise into three parts I could practice and enjoy separately and then bring together as a whole. First, I had to learn to stand while maintaining a comfortable level of arousal for an extended time. Second, I had to become sensitive to how erotic sensations feel in different parts of my body. Third, I needed to learn to speak aloud what I was feeling. I also thought this would be a wonderful exercise to do with my lover, and I wanted to try that too. Though I have just begun to experiment with this practice, I already know it is expanding my capacity for full body erotic pleasure and deepening my enjoyment of bodily sensations.
Pleasure Activism
It seems odd that at age 70, I feel more alive than I have in years, perhaps ever. What I am learning and experiencing about pleasure and the Art of Savoring are significantly changing my life for the better. Savoring is becoming second-nature. I don’t have to remember to do it. It just happens. Foods taste richer, colors appear more brilliant, orgasms are more intense. I am having fun. I am also learning to comprehend the world around me with my whole being, with a felt-knowledge that is intellectual, emotional, experiential, relational, physical, kinetic, and sensual, a unified combination of all my abilities to know. One thing I have come to know is that all types of pleasure, from the sensual to the less tangible, are important for a happy, healthy life. I have also become a pleasure activist, encouraging others to savor all aspects of their lives and, above all, to enjoy the sweet life, la dolce vita.
by Bob Barzan
Savoring Erotic Touch
All erotic touch could be about savoring. This free mini-class on Erotic Massage Dancing comes from the training manual for Sexological Bodyworkers. This “active receiving” approach to erotic massage was developed by Sexological Bodyworkers to teach erotic self-regulation skills. Savor the Touching Genitals class as well.