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Our society assumes that all of us lose interest in sex as we mature. It is “common sense” to expect decreased libido as our bodies and hormones change. Ever-present are subtle messages that this is how it should be. It is rare to see movies or novels about older lovers.
Contrary to these popular assumptions, many of us find that our sex lives become much richer as we age. Women in non-youth oriented cultures often report having a higher libido after menopause as do some women here. We find we have more patience and sensitivity, and a deeper appreciation for our lovers and ourselves. Once we have fewer job, child care and other societal obligations, we can devote more time to intimacy with one another, so we do.
This sexual fulfillment is important, because the value of our sexual health increases as we mature. Sexual vitality – even among those without partners – benefits every aspect of our lives. Increased energy and blood flow, the release of health-giving neurotransmitters in the body, and personal pleasure are just a few of the gifts of engaging in erotic expression.
It is apparent that education is a crucial element. Sexual health and erotic education are basic human rights. My first experiences with erotic education changed my life. I had been receiving massages and chiropractic treatments for years, but the muscles in my pelvic region remained chronically tense. I was not even aware of this tension, because it had been with me for so long.
These muscles were tight for various reasons. Any less-than-loving erotic experience can create pelvic tension. As with most of my generation, my earliest sexual encounters were awkward due to ignorance, and a bit anxiety-ridden due to culturally-induced guilt about sex outside of marriage and worries about unwanted pregnancy and STDs.
Years later, I received a series of bodywork sessions that included what is now called sexological bodywork. It included breathwork with full-body and internal massage. I became aware of the tension I had stored in my body and I learned how to release it. With the tension eased, I experienced every aspect of my body differently. The pelvis holds the base of physical support, so fluidity regained in the pelvic region increased flexibility throughout my body. I was surprised by the sense of profound comfort that infused my entire torso.
I found increased enjoyment in skating, dancing and sexual activities. I had greater ease and range of motion available to me in all I did. I was especially pleased to discover enhanced sensitivity in all the tissues of the area, which improved my enjoyment of sex. The ability to appreciate more subtle sensations allowed a greater range of intimacy with my partner.
An all too frequent complaint as we age is hip or pelvic injury followed by chronic pain. Some progressive clinics now offer physical therapy that includes internal acupressure rather than automatically prescribing pain killers which can deaden pleasurable sensations as well as painful ones. This educated approach acknowledges and addresses the source of the pain rather than focusing on the symptom. This increases the likelihood that individuals will engage in erotic activities sooner, which in turn, increases blood flow and flexibility in the area.
We don’t have to wait for the mood to strike us to obtain the benefits of erotic energy. Sexologists show us that we can learn to consciously access erotic states. There’s no need to believe society’s “common sense” about our sexuality. By exploring our personal erotic possibilities, we develop healthy sexuality which continues to grow our entire lives. We find that sex just gets better and better.
Margaret Wade is a Certified Sexological Bodyworker. She has assisted Joseph Kramer with co-teaching Sexological Bodywork certification classes.