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Three Breath Practices for Lovers

By: Chrys Curtis-Fawley C.S.B.

Chrys Curtis-FawleyIntroduction

Becoming aware of your breath is a powerful way to transform your erotic experience. Conscious breathing allows you to heighten pleasure, soothe tension and explore new heights. Conscious breathing floods your bloodstream with oxygen, which nourishes every cell of your body and fuels your erotic fire.

There is much to read and learn about conscious breathing and its effects- but the best way to learn is to simply practice bringing more awareness to your breath while receiving erotic touch. Notice what you are feeling and allow the experience to motivate further practice.

Here are three simple breath practices for lovers to play with together. These inquiries can be shared during an erotic massage, lovemaking, or any other time that you and your lover are sharing touch together.

The “Inquiry” is one of my favorite models of body-based learning. I first encountered the practice of inquiries in yoga, when my teacher suggested a particular posture or breath pattern and would ask us to “Simply Notice” what we were feeling. Erotic Inquiries allow us to explore new skills with the spirit of curiosity and wonder, and take a lot of pressure off the sometimes daunting journey of sex education.

An “embodied inquiry” can be any length of time; a few minutes during a lovemaking session or a few hours of dedicated practice and exploration of a particular skill, technique or intention. Simply ask yourself and/or your partner “I wonder what would happen if. . . “ and then pay attention to what you experience.


Easy Breathing

One easy way to approach the breath is to become aware of the economy of your breath. Let’s go for the most breath with the least effort. A relaxed, deep breath allows the body to receive the most nourishment from the inhale, a full release with each exhale, and minimal effort to complete each breath cycle. See the Pelvic Breathing tutorial for more guidance on breath economy and anatomy.
For now, simply notice your breath as you become aroused. Feel the inhale and exhale, and notice the effort of each breath. Now, go for more air with less effort. Allow your throat to open and drink in the air. Then just let it go. The exhale is where we tend to waste the most effort and create excess tension. You may notice that you either push the air out with force or hold it back as you exhale slowly. On the exhale, try and let it go, simply release the breath.


Inquiry 1: Match your breathing

There are many ways to “breathe together” while sharing touch. The most simple of these is matching your breath to your partner’s. Let your inhales and exhales rise and fall together, at about the same pace. Take turns leading and following one another’s breath. You can let it be natural and easy, or make a playful game out of it by playing with different patterns (such as two quick inhales and one longer exhale.) This is a nice way to begin your massage together. Let the pace of your hands be guided by the pace of your breath.


Recommended Video for enrolled students

Watch Video: Here, Anastasia and Destin share an easy breath while gazing into one another’s eyes. You can practice matching breath while eye-gazing, during a massage, or at any other time you want to practice deepening your connection through breath.


Inquiry 2: Match the breath to the stroke

This practice works particularly well while touching the genitals, but it can be paired with just about any massage stroke. The goal of this practice is to match the sensation of your massage stroke to the breath of the recipient.

Try this: move your hand UP the genitals with the INHALE, and then DOWNWARDS on the EXHALE. Givers: make it your game to match the stroke to the breath as precisely as you can. Recipients: enjoy the sensations of the massage stroke while focusing on your breath pattern.
Here, the pleasure of your massage becomes a powerful motivator to keep breathing rhythmically. Givers, you can tease out this motivation by making a deal with your recipient: If the conscious breathing stops, so does the massage!
As you begin playing with matching your touch to the breath, you will notice it becoming one of your massage skills. You can fluidly and gracefully adjust touch to match breath and vice versa until the sensation of breathing and the experience of your touch become intertwined and mutually supportive


Recommended Video for enrolled students

Watch Video: Watch how Anastasia matches her stroke to Destin’s breath at the beginning of this clip.
Watch Video
: In this clip, Charlotte uses a squeezing pressure in time with Lance’s breath. Try stroking, squeezing, or vibrating in time to your partner’s breath and notice the effects of each.


Inquiry 3: Propel your breath with The Little Big Draw

When we are breathing consciously and building erotic energy, our breath often becomes quite musical, a symphony of inhales and exhales, moans and sighs, excitement and relief. As our breathing skills develop with practice, we can use the breath to compose our erotic journey, creating peaks and climaxes as well as periods of relaxation and savoring.

A “little big draw” is a technique that you can use to create changes in the feeling states in your body. This is a version of the “Big Draw” technique traditionally used at the end of a massage to create a dramatic period of full-body savoring. The “little big draw” is used at any time during your massage or lovemaking that you want to create a shift in energy or a “hinge moment” as I call these rapid transitions.

The easiest way to begin exploring the little big draw technique is during a period of high excitement. Play with your partner or yourself to generate lots of excitement in your body. A full-volume charging breath and high energy strokes can assist you in building your arousal. When you feel ready, take three deep full breaths. Then, inhale big and full and hold your breath while you clench your pelvic muscles. Your whole body may clench as well, but begin and focus your clench in your anal sphincters and pelvic floor. After a few moments, relax completely and enjoy the sensations that arise. Then continue right away with your massage and breathing. Let the Little Big Draw propel you into the next round of your pleasure.


Recommended Video for enrolled students

Watch Video: In this clip, Anastasia and Destin practice the little big draw in the middle of an erotic massage. Notice how Destin uses the Little Big Draw to propel his arousal to new heights and then dives right back into his breath and touch.


After An Inquiry

Ask yourself or your partner “What are you aware of?” Take note of how your body feels - are you aware of any particular sensation? Where in your body do you feel the most? Notice your emotional landscape - how are you feeling? Are you aware of feelings for your partner? You may notice two or more emotions coming up at the same time - allow and notice these combinations. If you are sharing touch and breath with a partner, check in with them after enjoying the afterglow. A great question to ask after an inquiry is “What more would you like to explore next time?” or “How could it be even better?” Give thanks for the experience you had and allow your learning to unfold over time.