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Pelvic Release for Women

By: K. Ruby C.S.B.

K. RubyIntroductory notes to the series

The word Yoni means both Vulva and “Sacred Space” in Sanskrit (its counterpart, Lingam means “Wand of Light”). While I encourage and enjoy reclaiming words like Pussy and Cunt, I find it useful to have a word that is not as culturally charged and that expresses what I feel is the correct attitude towards this wondrous bit. To call my Vulva Sacred Space means I treat it as something potent and worthy of respect. Sacred: praiseworthy, cherished, take off your shoes before entering. Space: something that can be filled, in which many things can take place. Celebrations, for example. Prayers. Strong emotions. Rituals of Delight and Desire.

Gender: I acknowledge gender fluidity and each person's right to identify as they wish along the continuum of male to female or off it . In my lessons I will sometimes say “people with yonis” rather than “women” because I wish to include any gentlemen out there who may have Yonis (I myself know one or two). I often also write ”women” and “her” and this is in no way intended to exclude anyone. If you come up with any way to do this that is truly inclusive and not awkward, please let me know!

To begin this journey, I offer to you a text from a dear friend of mine, performance artist Keith Hennessey:

Wonders of the Holy Vulva! I present to you the wondrous vulva, archetype of the sacred feminine. An image of a vulva, vagina with clitoris intact, within a circle. The circle which represents the whole, the all, the continuity of all that is. Vulva, the birthplace, the source of life. Vulva, voluptuous opening and container; moist and warm, fecund, rich, fertile. Vulva as garden, as furrow, as fertile valley. The sensitive vulva, so many nerve endings, central to the energy meridians of the whole body. The vulva as a source of pleasure. The receptive vulva, the hole, the gateway, the entrance. A place to enter and exit. The vulva as desire, a hunger to swallow, a passion to be enflamed, an itch to scratch. The intelligence of vulva. The creative vulva which transforms all that enters. The vulva which purifies, bleeds, and heals itself. Vulva, sister of the moon, cyclical, home of intuition. The vulva as site of creativity and regeneration; life and matter in perpetuity. The interior vulva, mysterious and unknown to man/y. The vulva which knows how to be pleased and how to please.

 

Getting to Know Your Bits - The Internal Landscape

So what do you have down there?


In a culture flooded with images of the female body, legs wide open, shaved and airbrushed it is amazing that the whole region is still shrouded in such a great amount of mystery and shame. Too many women, even today, are ashamed of the way their Yonis look and smell. Many have never really looked at themselves and many more have never been told by a partner how lovely they are.


In my role as an international sex educator I have, by this time in my life, seen many hundreds of Yonis, Pussies, Cunts, Hobby-Shops, Snatches, Koochies, Cookies and Honey Pots (it is an enviable job, I know). Each is as unique, pretty and magnificent as every other! They are all “normal”, yet none is average.

 

In a recent workshop there was an overwhelming percentage of women with long outer labia. Yes! Long, rumpled, and stretchy, in many hues from an almost fig colored purple-black to the lightest blush apricot, naturally bushy or naturally hairless, delicate and fierce, shy and seductive. Every single one of these women, at one point in her life, believed herself to be abnormal, ugly or deformed. Most of them got their first idea of what they should look like from the petite and tidy drawings inside the tampon box. Then and there we vowed to write a letter campaign to Tampax to tell them the damage they do to the self-esteem of pubescent girls and to demand accurate representation of our precious bits!

In spite of the great advances in sex positivity and feminist health care perspectives in the last 40 years, many women still go their whole lives without really getting to know the landscape “down there.”

So, this lesson is about embarking on a journey to explore the wondrous landscape, to travel to a place that is perhaps still foreign and learn to be more comfortable there.

 

Assignment

This is a self exploration. It can be done alone (if you have a Yoni), in a group of people with Yonis or with a non-yoni bearing partner who wishes to accompany and witness. If you have never done this before, you might want to start off alone and then share with a friend or partner.

Things you will need:
A cozy warm space
A good bedside lamp or flashlight
Water based lubricant of your choice
Mirror
Good anatomy book (optional)

Step #1
Start by taking a few minutes to sit, relax and calm the mind. In whatever position is comfortable, cup your hands over your Yoni and breathe a few long delightful breaths, imagining each time that the oxygen you breathe in is filling your pelvis and flooding your genitals. You might also try squeezing and releasing your PC (Kegel) muscles to get more in touch with yourself. While you are relaxing and breathing, allow yourself to think about your relationship with your Yoni. How you have felt about her in the past and how do you feel now? Do you have a good relationship with your Yoni? Where have you shared pleasure or pain? What kinds of things does she enjoy? (I am using the 3rd person because I have often felt that my Yoni has a mind of her own.)

Step #2
When you are ready, get out your mirror and your small light and take a good look. Check out your inner and outer labia. Notice the thickness or thinness of the skin, the color, the shape when “at rest” or opened with your fingers. Bear down slightly and see if you can “make her talk.” Notice if your Yoni opens slightly as you breathe. Notice if there are any remnants of your hymen at the opening to the canal. Can you see your urethral meatus (pee hole)? Notice the shape and size of your clit and it’s hood. In whatever way feels comfortable, welcome your Yoni and acknowledge what you may or may not have shared together!

Step #3
Lay your mirror and your light to the side and get your lube. Go ahead and cover your Yoni with a good slippery amount of it. Now starting with the exterior parts you are going to explore the landscape of your Yoni. The intent here is not to stroke or to arouse, but to sense with your fingers and discover the map of the region.
When touching you can be aware of several layers of what you are touching—there is a skin level, texture just at the surface; there is a level just below the skin, between skin and muscle; there is muscle and then there is bone. So starting with the exterior vulva and moving inwards let yourself be curious. What bones are you touching? What muscles? Can you find the urethral sponge, home of the G-Spot (this is the rough mound in the upper wall of the canal)? Can you feel the pubic bone? Sitz Bones? Tail Bone? Rectum? Uterus? Let yourself be curious, and touch and sense at all four levels as I have described above.

When you are done, gently wipe her off and thank her for the tour!

** Bonus Points: Deepen the learning. You may want to have a look at an anatomy book after this exploration and see if you can make sense of what you felt. If you are with a partner or friends share what you experienced.

 

Recommended Books:

Femalia; Joani Blanc
A New View of A Woman’s Body; Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Center
Human Anatomy; Frank H. Netter, MD

 

Recommended Video for enrolled students:

Zen Pussy View Video
Here is an opportunity to see a number of different Yonis "in action." Notice the different shapes and colors and how they "talk" when the person breathes.

 

Internal Release Massage for the Yoni - Deeper into the Jungle

Just as other parts of the body get tense, so do the muscles of the pelvic floor, the deep interior muscles and connective tissue that bind the lower and upper halves of the body together and that hold our organs in place. Some of this tension comes about through the normal day-to-day stress of uprightness and the western practice of sitting in chairs, rather than squatting or sitting cross legged, which stretch out the lower back and the pelvis respectively. Pelvic tension is also built up around sustained shame, trauma and misinformation about the area.

Growing up female, most of us experience intense shame about the look and smells of our sexual parts, which is intensified by the media and the teen desire to fit in. I remember how scary it was to have to go to the store to buy “sanitary” items and how afraid I was that I would look and smell differently when I was bleeding. A massive industry in scented douche and bikini waxing attest to our continued fear and shame about how we naturally look and smell.

Of course the pelvis is also home to the anus and pee-hole and no one escapes negative messages and shaming about elimination, farting and the sense that everything down there is dirty and stinky.

Internal Pelvic tension may also build up through various kinds of sexual trauma which range from verbal teasing to ambivalent, uncomfortable or unwanted sexual experiences. For women specifically there is cultural shame about taking pleasure as well as a continued cultural pattern of having sex when we are not yet ready or don’t want to. Just think of a time you were entered before you were ready—and notice the reaction in your body.

Tension or tightness indicates a lack of breath, a closed muscular structure and often an attempt to cut off or move away from sensation. Notice what happens to your body when you feel uncomfortable, ashamed or scared. There is a tendency to stop the breath and to try not feel what is happening. This stance does the opposite of promoting ecstatic pleasure and savoring. When we attempt to cut off from feeling discomfort we also cut ourselves off from feeling pleasure.

The purpose and function of this massage is to bring relaxation, awareness and sensation to the internal pelvic musculature. The intention is to touch with precision and feeling so the person being massaged can better sense her interior landscape. It is not intended to arouse, though sexual feelings may come up.

Release style massage helps release tension, but may also engage the emotional and spiritual body, helping the person to let go of whatever lies in the way of full aliveness. Often when traumatic experiences occur, the body cannot fully process them, especially if the person is culturally biased against screaming, crying, raging and grieving. So the experiences hang around and catch up to us, showing up as tension, numbness or inability to be present when the areas that suffered trauma are addressed. If the area is also an area typically associated with pleasure this can pretty seriously hamper our ability to sink in and savor. So going into this tension and consciously engaging it when there is room for energy, emotions and memories to come up can help us clear out what we do not need. In this way we may begin to access pleasure more fully again.

The success of the massage depends on the ability of both giver and receiver to be deeply engaged in their experience and the level to which they can be present with the points with both curiosity and agenda-less presence. I call this being an expert in not knowing.

The Internal Release Massage for Women, also called Yoni Healing Massage, is a methodical manner of opening, loosening and exploring the entire internal landscape. The potential of this massage is releasing held emotion, bringing sensation where there is numbness, and relaxation where there is tension. It not only allows the body to experience itself more fully, but helps expand capacity for sensation and be more receptive and open for pleasure.

 

Assignment

This assignment is for a person with a Yoni and her partner.

You will need:
A comfortable space without distraction
Massage cream or oil
Lubricant
Gloves if appropriate.

Time:
I recommend allowing 2 hours for this experience.

Overview:
The massage consists of 48 points, each of which is held for a minute or more. These are generic points, rather than anatomical points (there is no right and wrong placement of points, and there are potentially many more than 48). I use the image of a clock as a guide, with 12:00 pointing towards the belly and 6:00 pointing towards the back. At each o’clock you will be sensing and feeling what is there, as will the receiver. Don’t try or expect to get to all 48 points in one sitting. The intent is not to get through the points, but to notice what happens at each and every point. It would be possible, for example to spend an entire session on one point, or to follow your impulse towards a point that is out of sequence from the rest.

• Share how you each are feeling and especially find out what she needs to feel comfortable and safe.
• Start with 15-20 minutes of full body massage.
• For the release massage, try sitting between her legs with her on her back and her legs over yours. I find this position easiest, but do adjust in whatever way you feel comfortable.
• Hold your hands cupped over the vulva for at least 5 minutes, while she breaths fully and intentionally. If you know the Pelvic Breath, it is a good one for this massage. More breath equals more relaxation, sensation and awareness. You can also gently rock her with your cupped hands.
• Be sure to use enough lubricant that she feels comfortable, but not so much that you can’t feel anything.
• Starting on the exterior, around the opening to the canal you will press each of the 12 points for a minute or more. Use the pad of your fingertip rather than the point, and be sure your nails are trimmed.
At each point you will hold it, gradually intensifying the pressure, feeling at skin, fascia, muscle and bone levels. At each point ask her what she experiences—sensation, numbness, heat, pleasure?
• Always move surely from point to point, letting her know what you are doing with your body language. Never take your hand away or enter abruptly. I find it is easiest to do points 1 – 6 with my left pointer finger and points 7-12 with my right pointer finger.
• For round #2 use the same 12 points on the clock, inserting the finger at one finger joint's length
• For Round #3 use the same 12 points on the clock, inserting the finger a two finger joints' length
• For Round #4 the same, inserting your finger at three finger joints' length.
• When the massage or journey feels complete, and you have removed your fingers from inside her, cup her vulva again with your hands and rest quietly with her.

 

Some Things to Focus on:

As the giver I invite you to be acutely aware of the honor it is to be able to touch and explore the internal landscape in such a precise manner. Your partner may go into vulnerable spaces. Let her know how special it is to be able to accompany her on her journey.

As the recipient I invite you to really use this time to experience yourself. Embrace the gift your masseur is giving you by allowing yourself to be curious about the sensations in the various points of your internal landscape. Actively seek self-knowledge.

As Giver: Be aware of what your finger is sensing and how this relates to what she is saying: Is there burning in that point? Does your finger feel hot? Is there pulsing? Do you feel as if the point wants to swallow you up? Is the point hard or soft? Remember this is also about you honing your skills of touch, sensitivity and communication.
While you are holding various points it often happens that memories, emotions or spontaneous movement (shaking or jerking) arise. This is part of the “release.” The skill you can build here is called “holding space” for whatever is happening for her. Let her know that you are available to support her without insisting that she stop whatever she is experiencing. Encourage breathing. If you get worried, ask her to communicate with you that she is alright or ask her what she needs.

As Receiver: Some points may be numb or lack sensation. Don’t give up on them. Breathe and experience the point for at least a full minute. Some points may be painful or burn. While not feeling that you have to endure anything truly unpleasant, breathe into the sensation and see if having the point held releases some of the burning. Likewise, some points may create arousal. Again, breathe into the sensations and see what it is like to experience arousal without immediately seeking to satisfy it.

 

Recommended Video for enrolled students:

K.Ruby: ~ Giving an Internal Pelvic Release Massage, Part 1 Watch Video Clip
Here I explain to you in person how to give an internal release massage to a woman.

K.Ruby ~ Giving an Internal Pelvic Release Massage, Part 2 Watch Video Clip
More guidance for the person giving the internal release massage to a woman.

Fire in the Valley ~ Isa Magdelena on Breath Watch Video Clip
Isa Magdelena demonstrates a breathing technique and explains why breath is important for receiving massage.

Fire in the Valley ~ Victor & Jwala Watch Video Clip
While this clip does not portray how to do the internal release massage, you can hear Victor’s wisdom about internal pelvic healing.

Fire in the Valley ~ Victor & Jwala Watch Video Clip
Victor & Jwala demonstrate great communication and Victor demonstrates holding space for powerful emotions.

 

The Yoni Approaching Eros: There is No Time Not to Go Slowly

We are all going everywhere so fast these days. It is time to slow down. The thing I hear most from people with Yonis is that they wish for sex to slow down. Slower approach, slower touch, more touch, more savoring.

In slowing down there is the potential for more sensation per square millimeter, so that less can truly be more. Going slow offers the possibility of micro sensations, worlds within worlds of tiny waves of sensation and vibration. Going slow also offers us the possibility to get in touch with and experience our hunger, to be really and truly ready to be touched on our genitals and/or entered.

This assignment is about covering a small amount of ground in twice the amount of time. It is about taking the time to let it unfold, about building heat and hunger and not skipping over any of the really delightful parts. This practice is about not going anywhere and getting everywhere.

For the giver it is a practice of working the sensitivity of your fingertips and awakening your senses, noticing how your partner is responding. It requires that you not go into your own turn on or rhythm, but that you stay with the tempo and rhythm of your partner. It is also a practice of learning the joy of being in-service to your partner’s pleasure, which in turn requires sustained openness to learning. This level of being in tune and present in the moment is a muscle that can be trained.

For those of you receiving it is also a practice of slowing down—not going for the massive fast strokes that you know might get you off, but working towards generating your turn on and being an active participant. Without forcing or pretending, let your partner know with your breath, sounds and body movements what you are experiencing. Being an active participant with your verbal and non-verbal expression of what pleasures you can itself generate heat and turn on. If you don’t believe me, put on some sexy music and grind your hips into a pillow for 5 minutes and notice the effect it has on you.

Slowing down gives us time to notice not only the physical sensations but what is going on for us emotionally. A massage done slowly and precisely with great care can be deeply healing for your partner, especially if she has consciously or unconsciously been rushing herself to be “ready” for penetration most of her sexual life. So don’t be surprised if this massage touches her deeply and brings tears of relief, joy or even grief.

Finally, if you are a woman who struggles with trying to have orgasms or having more satisfying orgasms, a slow precise massage which focuses on fully feeling sensation can build your sexual energy so that you have enough charge to orgasm, and so that your orgasm is fuller and more satisfying.

 

Assignment

This is for a person with a Yoni and her partner.

You will need:
A warm comfortable space,
Water-based lubricant
Gloves if applicable

Time:
I suggest at least 90 minutes for this assignment.

Overview
As I teach the Yoni Massage it is not so much a collection of strokes, but a series of phases of intention that mirror female sexual response. These phases are briefly described as

    1. Connecting With The Beloved: Getting connected includes communicating with our love or play partner our wishes, desires and intentions for the session, and also hearing the same from him/her. We may also spend some time in silence, eye-gazing or holding each other.

    2. Coming Into the Body: Delicious full body massage mixing deep work, light touch, shoulder massage, hands, feet, scalp or whatever else she loves for a warm up. Pelvic Breathing should be encouraged. Female arousal is generated in part by the hormone Oxytocin, which floods the body with a sense of warmth and well-being. Oxytocin is released and peaks through skin-to-skin contact.

    3. Waking Up the Neighborhood: Awakening the feelings of arousal. For most women this starts not at the genitals but over the sensitive parts of the whole body. Slow, light or gliding touch on the back, belly, neck, face, inner elbows and knees, inner thighs, butt. Find out what she likes and just how slow….

    4. Unfolding the Flower: Gradual approach to the yoni, cupping with or without rocking and vibrations, light tickling, gentles caresses, exploring the labia. A slow approach, which does not demand immediate opening or wetness. Continuing where Waking the Neighborhood left off, this is a slow tease into arousal.

    5. Magic Button: Starting with the lightest tickle, exploring the entire region of the clitoris. The tempo, depth, length, direction, directness and rhythm of the strokes here is both specific to each woman and to any given day. What works one day might not work the next. A tip: Follow her lead.

    6. The Temple: From the gateway to the canal and inside, the goddess spot, pressing, thrusting up to fisting. The many ways to be inside.

    7. Climax, Aftershocks, Stillness, Reconnection.

 

Your assignment is to give (or receive) a sensual massage that includes the external genitals and focuses on Steps 1- 5 of this progression with the greatest focus on Step #3, Waking up the Neighborhood.

Take your time. Pay attention.

As the Giver:
Open your heart and allow yourself to feel tender. Communicate this tenderness though your touch.
While giving, watch her face and body for small movements and changes in color or temperature. Notice if her pelvis rocks towards you, away from you or side to side and follow her lead. It may be subtle. Invite her feedback. Encourage breath, movement and sound. If you notice you feel like you should be getting to the next step or if you are afraid to go to the next step breath and notice how she is responding. If you feel completely in the dark, ask her what she is experiencing.

As the Receiver:
Be an active receiver. Breath, move and make sounds. Let your partner know when they are touching you in a pleasurable way. Notice your level of arousal what is most arousing? What is least arousing? What would you like more of? What would you like less of? Letting your partner know what you would like more of (as opposed to focusing on what might not be working) is a great way to get more of what you want. Above all, allow yourself to ask your partner to go slower (tempo or approach) if you wish and be patient. It takes time and focus to learn to go slow.

At the end of the massage:
Whether you choose to have an orgasm or not be sure to take the time to share how it was for each of you. What parts were fun? Exciting? Challenging? What did you learn? About yourself? About your partner?

At the end of the massage:
Whether you choose to have an orgasm or not be sure to take the time to share how it was for each of you. What parts were fun? Exciting? Challenging? What did you learn? About yourself? About your partner?

The Yoni in pleasure teaches again and again: There is no time like the now. There has never been any other time but now. Forget everything you think you know and listen to the truth of the present moment. If you take the time to let it unfold, it will. And it will be LUSH.

May many blessings rain upon your secret inner spaces.

 

Recommended Video for Enrolled Students

Fire in the Valley ~ Introduction to Vulva Massage Part 2 of 3
Watch Video Clip
Joseph & Annie talk about the importance and benefits of Vulva Massage.

Annie’s Orgasm Friends Collection ~ Tender Loving Touch Part 1
Watch Video Clip
Tender Loving Touch Part 2
Watch Video Clip
Although Juliet is moving more quickly (tempo) than I recommend for this practice today, the flowing full body strokes and the tender teasing are one way to "Wake up the Neighborhood". Notice how she touches with the intent to arouse--for me this is different than the earlier phase "Coming into the Body", where the touch would be more neutral.

Fire in the Valley ~ Pussy Pleasure Watch Video Clip
Here are some strokes that I might offer for the phase of intention called "Unfolding the Flower".

Fire in the Valley ~ Labia Love Watch Video Clip
More strokes for "Unfolding the Flower".

Fire in the Valley ~ Gentle Stroking Watch Video Clip
Here are some strokes you could use for "The Magic Button." In looking at this video I suggest you experiment with touching even more lightly than the first clip portrays. Notice the different rhythms and tempos portrayed.